lucid in the sky - is this a dream?

sitting here after a stressful morning of bills, school re-enrollment contracts (one deadline missed, two awkward phone calls made - more tomorrow). then i discovered a vehicle emissions test notice - two weeks past due! (get this, the mva - the agency that is called dmv in most states - said i could have an extension, gratis, of four months! there is a god...). but what on earth have i been doing lately to take my eyes off all that?

for one thing, i've been having occasional lucid dreams, maybe one every couple weeks. never had one prior to about a year ago, but i'd always thought the idea was intriguing. that is, being volitional, or self-aware while dreaming, exercising some control. 'some' is the important word here - at least for a novice like me. maybe one day i will be able to paint the sky green, or turn the ocean into chocolate pudding. there are of course some folks who would question the wisdom of bringing any such ego or thought into the realm of sleep - they'd rather kick back, relax, and let the subconscious put on its nightly cinema. which is of course still an option, or, rather, what usually occurs. but even in a lucid dream, again, the control is limited. maybe i'll decide where to go, whom to visit, or, even, what to do, but what and how it happens is still quite unpredictable.

if you are interested in learning to have lucid dreams, i found two bits of advice from our good friend, the www. first, start a dream journal (less important); and second, get into the habit of asking yourself, during waking hours, 'am i dreaming?' or 'is this a dream?' (more important). your answer will normally be 'no,' of course, until there comes a time when it isn't. once you know you are in a dream - the answer having been 'yes' - you'll perhaps decide to do that thing you might not be getting enough of in daily life. and i don't mean the laundry. but with grief having done some bizarre things to my desire, such nocturnal liaisons were not really, shall we say, very rewarding. i then thought, how about flying? yes, that would be really cool! and it was. but it didn't last long. the thing is, your memory in the dream state is way worse than even in daily life. so my plans for interstellar travel, dispatching villains like dick cheney, sipping a mai tai in bermuda, or surfing a tsunami have all come to naught. so far.

what i have been able to do, is seek out loret. what does she think of my girlfriend? her answer, a smile. and if you've heard anything about grief, this clearly seems like a milestone. still hoping for that walk on saturn's rings, though; but i'm open to whatever might happen. with some exceptions: what i can't imagine in a lucid dream is sitting down at my desk to work on my bills or other office stuff. or blogging.

by the way, are you dreaming right now?