like many of us, when first introduced to this concept, i dismissed it - or rather, rephrased it. life includes suffering, to be sure, but there is so much more i would protest, correcting 'his lordship.' some etymologies state that the root of the word implied a wheel out of balance. dissatisfaction, affliction, stress are other words sometimes employed in translation. (in modern nepali - and in probably most sanskrit derived tongues - the word survives and means simply pain, or hardship. 'dukha bhaayo, sukha paayo' goes the rhyme in nepal. this translates roughly as 'encountered pain? now reap your gain,' or simply 'no pain, no gain,' which i've always felt to be a bit puritanical.)
that there is suffering in the world hardly comes as a surprise. that the rather fortunate members of this human race who can afford to sit and stare at a computer - etc., etc. - that they also experience suffering is harder for some to accept. maybe occasional sadness or disappointment, or even life's inevitable losses. but compared to darfur? or haiti? c'mon, give me a break, we might say, keep a stiff upper lip lad! and the crown prince of an ancient hindu kingdom, raised surrounded by the sensual pleasures of the world - what could he tell us about suffering?
as it turns out, according to millions of folks over the last two and a half centuries, a great deal. take this moment as an example (assuming you are still here with me): you likely have a to-do list, and nowhere on that list does it say 'check peter's blog.' (and if it does, you are too kind, really...). but the point is, if you are like me at all, the list of stuff to get done usually grows faster than we actually get it done. now, as you sit here reading this, perhaps in the back of your mind you are figuring how to get a, b, and c done (to say nothing of x, y, and z - why in heck did i ever agree to those?) before the kids come home from school (or whatever). this too is suffering, (though perhaps mild) - this not being in the moment - though stress is the term we use much more often. and over time too much of it can bring (or contribute to) various physiological conditions. ulcers, lower back pain, asthma, and eczema are widely understood to be - if not caused by stress - at least markedly exacerbated by it. in my experience, any physiological condition can be worsened by stress, including the biggies, like ms and cancer. does that mean we can just turn off the stress and get 'better?' well, it doesn't seem so straightforward as that, but the connection between mind and body is getting increasing medical attention and research. and besides, who can just 'turn off' stress? we can live and pursue ways to manage, or reduce stress, but it seems a certain amount of it is endemic to living (especially in this culture, it seems).
okay, now here comes the one idea that i sat down to blog about. namely, how even enjoyable or stress reducing activities can occasion 'suffering' in our lives. my girlfriend treated me to a professional massage last weekend. i find a half hour to be better than the full hour - this may have to do with ms, or middle age (lying in those face thingies...), or even the idea i will explain here:
how can a pleasurable experience like a massage occasion (or cause, or invite) suffering? here's how: after disrobing, climbing onto the table, and pulling up the sheet, the masseuse enters and begins to work on me. i'll find myself feeling great the first five or so minutes, but then it becomes apparent that a certain portion of my body is 'finished' and the ticking of an imaginary clock seems to lead inexorably toward the end of my session. (you might suggest i go for the full hour, but this effect will often happen even then, though perhaps somewhat delayed - i.e. the first ten minutes is great...) this clinging to the pleasant or good can be a source of feeling loss as if squeezing tighter to a handful of sand as it falls to the ground, slipping through your fingers.
i have found it very helpful in situations like this - such as lying on a massage table - to practice the techniques learned in meditation classes and sitting groups. usually, such techniques help in dealing with more obvious dukkha, or suffering - pain in the back or legs, anger at a family member, trouble at work, etc. following or bringing my awareness to the breath is one such technique; or mentally touching into my body, and not just that part that is being massaged. the larger awareness this brings kind of loosens the grip of time - and its apparent scarcity - and obviates the feeling of loss that this wonderful experience is coming to an end. it becomes much easier to just be with the beauty of the sensations.
much of the stress - or dukkha - in our lives i think comes from resisting the up and down wave motion of our experience: when we are up on the crest, we want to hold on tight; but when down in a trough, we want to get back up - please, just make the bad stuff go away! being present and open to what is - up or down - this seems to be a way beyond suffering. of course we will continue to bring our efforts to alleviating our pains and illness, or, for example, planning that trip to hawaii. there is nothing about 'being in the moment' that precludes planning for the future.
grief has been an effective teacher in this: when a certain song came on the radio - our song maybe, or one laden with emotion (joan armatrading's 'i'm lucky' for example, or maybe csny's 'our house,' or how about joni mitchell's 'both sides now') - i'd start howling like a coyote, coughing out the sobs to 'beat the band.' then the storm would eventually pass, the tears would dry, and equanimity would return. this felt to be a very ancient process, coded deep in my dna and over time would come less frequently, and less explosively - as long as i didn't resist it. now it's an occasional misting in the eyes. but i see i'm getting off topic here. grief, man what a teacher. could gobble up volumes of blog posts on that.
impermanence seems like it's here to stay - as contradictory as that sounds - but when i can open to the infinite container of this moment - good or bad - i seem to get a taste of freedom.
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